Catalogue text for Wrapped
Christian Schmidt-Rasmussen
The dick-watch
Once upon a time there was a quite ordinary young man who had a secret. A small one. One day he went for a walk. A lovely Sunday. He'd put on his best dress, as well as his little secret with which he enjoyed promenading peacefully when his wife and kids were out on their own.
He sat down at a lake in a park and watched families on a stroll with the sentimental joy of the unengaged person. In spite of the fact that he was sitting in the grass, an extraordinary old lady sat down (with great effort) in the grass next to him, scary sounds coming from her bones.
"What's the time young man, could you please inform an old lady about that, eh? She asked very loudly and grating. He took a quick glance at his watch and informed her as to the time of day, in an equally loud though not grating voice. "Whaat?" She screamed "Can't you speak up so that people can hear you, you young lout". He shouted back what time it was again. "Whaaat?!" she roared "Ten minutes past two!!" he thundered. "Could you please show me your watch, I can't hear!" she bellowed. "No!" the young man screamed back. Kids were running away crying, and a worried familyfather was calling the authorities by now. "Now show me that watch!!! You punk!" she insisted "Go fuck yourself. I won't!" he shout back.
An elderly smiling policeofficer came peacefully strolling towards them. "Calm down ladies and gentlemen, what's the reason for all this argument and unrest?" "He won't show me his watch, so that an old hearing impaired woman can inform herself as to the time of this enchanting afternoon." She screamed. "Well, somehow I guess he's fully entitled to refuse to do that. But honestly, young man, what's the reason for this clearly impolite behaviour?". I fail to recognise that as being any of your fucking business!'. "Excuse me, but that's no way of speaking to a policeofficer. Is the watch stolen, eh?". "No. It's bought and paid for, and I've got full charge of that watch". The officer now felt the need to teach the young man a lesson in good behaviour?" Resolutely, he wung the young man's arm behind his back. "Would you be as kind as to show the lady your watch?" Stop it man, you're crazy, shithead!!" the young man screamed. "That may very well be so. Now, just show us that watch" the policeofficer said, and wrung the young man's arm a bit further behind his back. "Oouuuch, stop it, I'll show you that watch, but it's on your own goddamn responsability" the young man groaned. He pulled the sleeve up his arm with his teeth and showed the exposed watch to the old lady. "How dare you!?" she hissed and kneed him surprising agility in the stomach. "Now, what was that supposed to mean!?" the tired officer asked. "He's running around with a fucking dick-watch, such a rude swine!" the old lady explained. "Dick-watch?" asked the officer who by now had let go of the arm. "What's a dick-watch?" The young man rubbed his arm and answered, clearly embarassed. "It's a watch where the arms of the watch has been substituted with small dicks..."
"Let's have a look" the officer commanded. Slowly the young man's arm carrying the watch was stretched towards him, and then quickly withdrawn. "Let's have another look, and take it easy this time, O.K."The voice was heavy with immanent violence. The officer stared at the arm for a long time, his face clearly distorted with disgust. "Fucking christ, you're a sick fuck, you little lukewarm shit". Around them a rather large crowd of people in Sunday-dresses had gathered. They looked a bit perturbed by all this noise. When told that the young man was carrying a dick-watch most of them became clearly hostile towards him, but otherwise they didn't interfere. The old lady, on the other hand wasn't satisfied with the role as spectator. She resolutely punched him in the face with her fist. "That's enough!" the officer roared. "Just because he's a sick little shit doesn't mean that you're entitled to hit him. It was you yourself who asked to see that watch, O.K.! "And you" the officer continued to roar, addressing the young man. "You will say I'm sorry madam, I shall never again show you my dick-watch". The gathering around them had now become pretty big, approximately 40 people among whom was a young father holding the hands of his two young daughters who shouted that the owner of the dickwatch ought to be shot. "Dear officer" the young man said, "this has gone out of all proportion, and I will not appologise to anybody because of the totally innocent dick-watch, O.K.!"
"The time is now 12:15, you are under arrest. Everything you say can and may be used against you in a court by law. Name and address please?" "I won't tell. This is fucking abuse, fucking policestate." "You'll tell me your name one way or another!" The officer stared in a telling way at a couple of gloomy looking fathers in their best Sunday-dresses while he said: "Blimey, if I'm not being attacked! Wonder if some responsible citizens mightn't come to my rescue? And while they're at it, they might as well be through about it. "The fathers smiled in return, and turned towards the young man. The situation was unmistakable: There were beatings in the air, mob-beatings. "Now! What's you name?" "Eric Tion..." it came vaguely from the young man. The officer looked at him in surprise, and the young fathers stopped in their track. "Could I please hear that again, and loud this time please, so that everyone can hear it". The young man had totally resigned by now. Everything had been exposed now. Only dishonour was left: "Eric Tion" he said with a loud soulless voice.
The crowd stared at him with unmitigated contempt.
-The end-